Finding A New Norm

Most importantly, before anything, I have to tell you how just how incredibly blessed I feel to have such an amazing, teacher-blog-reader-family out there.  When I wrote about MacKale last week, it was last-minute, during the hour ride to the hospital.  I didn’t really know how to say what I needed to say.  I said a prayer for guidance and let the words write themselves.  I knew we all needed prayers, and I trusted that I could get them from you all.  You didn’t let me down.  So many of you said, ‘you don’t know me but . . .’  Well I’m here to tell you, you do know me!  You know I am in pain.  You know I need prayers.  You know me.  And for all of you that prayed for MacKale and keep praying, you are not just my friends, you are my family.

After a whirlwind week of being diagnosed with cancer and starting treatment, I finally felt some peace when I wrote those words.  I knew that prayers were being sent on Mackale’s behalf . . . lots and lots of prayers .  . . so many prayers that I am sure that God must still be working overtime.  You have shared your stories and your hopes with me, and I can never tell you how much that means to me.  There are no words.  My heart is so full I am sure it will burst.

So now I need to find a new norm.  Many of you have asked what am I going to do about teaching and my classroom.  Honestly, I’m still trying to figure that out.  I haven’t been to school in two weeks, but I am planning on being there the next two days as my husband will take his days off then so I can go in and see my kinders.  I’m missing them terribly, but it’s very hard for me to be away from MacKale right now.  It’s a tightrope I’m still trying to navigate.  This situation is really all still so new  to us, and we have no idea how MacKale will respond to meds and how fragile he will get that we are just playing it by ear for the moment.  We are well aware that planning anything at this point is kind of ridiculous.  For a planner like me, it makes it incredibly nerve-wracking.   I’m slowly learning to ‘let go.’

I do know that regardless of whether I am in the classroom a bit or not at all, I will keep blogging and creating because quite honestly, its the one thing that I can do in the middle of the night, when I can’t sleep that keeps me from searching the internet for things I shouldn’t be reading.  Things that steal my joy, make me scared and make me question.  Connecting with all you keeps my mind off cancer if only for a brief bit and brings me joy.  I need that anchor.  Selfishly, I need a little something that will keep me . . . ME!  Does that make any sense at all?

So with that being said, this blog will be (mostly) teaching.  And for those of you interested in following MacKale through his journey, and I hope you do because I’m going to need you, I created a completely different blog and Facebook page.  It’s simple enough that he can write on it if he wishes or my husband or whomever in our family feels compelled to write and update you.

You can find it HERE or by clicking the picture below.

Thanks so much for your support friends.  Your prayers have been a precious gift that I can never even begin to repay.